Generosity-Makes a Life Rich

Generosity-Makes Life Rich

Jess and Cathy talk today about what it’s like to share.   Sharing knowledge, sharing skills.  Jess talks about sharing her horse Speedy this weekend with Kennedy for a clinic she was riding in.    She said, it was a “triple win”.  A “win” for herself to watch Kennedy and Speedy, a “win” for Kennedy to participate and learn, and ride a different horse than her own, and a “win” for Speedy to be in the clinic and have his own experience with it.   Cathy shared how she loves to teach everything she has learned—how easy and purposeful it is to give that to her students.  We get back so much by giving what we have, whether it be knowledge, skills, the farm, or our horse!   Think about how it makes your life so rich the way you are generous!   Leave us a comment what you love to share with others!

Theme song and host introduction. Jess and Cathy welcome listeners to There You Are, introduce themselves, and share what the show is about and who it's for.

Theme song and closing words from Jess and Cathy, including a call to action to share the episode, leave a review, and tune in next week.

Cathy is a professional at training and teaching the sport of Three Day Eventing. Her website is: 

https://www.cwevent.com

Jess is a licenced clinical social worker.  She see's clients in her office in the back of the house here at the farm.   

Her website is:

https://www.jessicabollinger.com

Transcript

Jess 1:38

Hey, welcome to There You Are, and Cathy, there you are

Cathy 1:42

I am. There you are, Jess.

Jess 1:44

Yeah. And folks, we are not sitting next to each other at the kitchen table. Actually, it is Sunday night. The sun is setting here in Kentucky. What's the sun s- what's the sun doing down there where you are right now,

Cathy 1:57

I am in Folsom, Louisiana, and I have not seen the sun for the last 24 hours. Maybe a little peek. It's been kinda cloudy, thunderstorming, and raining while I've been down here. But it's m- that's made the weather a little bit cooler, so that's good

Jess 2:18

That's good 'cause you are in Louisiana

Cathy 2:20

exactly

Jess 2:21

And you said the bugs were not

Cathy 2:22

No, there, there were no bugs. Not, no bugs at all. So

Jess 2:27

That's cool. And last night when I talked to you, I told you to keep your eyes open for roaches and

Cathy 2:33

And there's no roaches either.

Jess 2:37

That's a good thing, 'cause my friend Anne, she lives in Louisiana. When I went to go visit her, she said they fly at you.

Cathy 2:42

Oh,

Jess 2:43

just

Cathy 2:43

yeah, no. There, there have been no flies, no mosquitoes, no roaches. Yeah, no bugs at all.

Jess 2:51

I like that. I

Cathy 2:53

Me too

Jess 2:54

So you were down there doing what, baby doll?

Cathy 2:56

I was teaching a clinic for Emily Jackson. She's got a really cool barn. I think Hunter's Bluff is the name of her, the farm that she's at, and I think it's Elite Rhythm Eventing is her website and her business. And I've been coming down here for a few years teaching clinics, and I also do course design for the Fleur de Lys horse trials. So what's worked out to be is that I come down here and teach a clinic to all of her people for a couple days, and then I stay a day and do course design for the cross-country course and for the horse trials that they have here in the fall. So it works out really well. And I love the people here. They're great, and it's such a super community of, a barn and students and everybody wishing everybody well and telling little stories about people, and it's just, it's a really fun time for me to come down here.

Jess 3:53

That sounds so much fun. And what I'm reading into that is, when you're hearing these stories about people, we all have a story, and you're hearing about how everybody is connected, and then you're getting connected to these people, teaching them and finding out their stories

Cathy 4:08

Absolutely. And there's one gal Caitlin, who has, was, had a bad fall and was injured. And she's finally back on the horse and was able to ride in the clinic this time, and it was so fun teaching her, and she just did really well. And it, so I j- I know a lot of the people that I, it's continual. This person's on this horse now, or this person's still on that horse, and this is what we've been working on. And Emily really fills me in on all the students and how they're doing and gives me a little insight that helps me, teach them better. And so it's just really fun coming back and seeing the progress people have made. And like I said, Caitlin back on the horse for the first time in over a year so it's really cool. I love it.

Jess 4:56

I love that. I love that. love when you go out and do these you come back refreshed and exhi- exhilarated even though you have a long day. It's kinda like when you teach your 30-minute lessons here, each lesson is new and different with each person. I relate to that because when I have clients, even if I have, a busy day with clients each hour is new and refreshing for me and gives me new energy. And you get the same.

Cathy 5:28

Absolutely. It, I started at 7:00 this morning and finished my last lesson at 4:30, 4:45. And you were joking, "Did they schedule lunch?" And I said, "No, we had 20 minutes somewhere," because it was just like straight through, because so many people want to ride and grouping the people so that they're with, the, their level it just, it takes a while. So yeah, I just, I had a lot of energy and the students give me energy, and their feedback gives me energy, and their excitement and exuberant and their, "Woo-hoo," or their conversations with themselves as they're jumping jumps is just, it's just all fun. Yeah.

Jess 6:08

And you, we both have accumulated some knowledge and some expertise in our field.

Cathy 6:15

Yes

Jess 6:16

I've like I've told on some other pods about the different modalities of therapy that I've learned that I share with my clients, and everything that you've learned with horse and rider, you share. And there's a generosity of spirit like that. Just like my grandpa always said, "You learn from others who've learned from others." And I love to share anything I've learned and pass it on, because, like, when I've learned a new modality of therapy I don't get trained in that or go to the c- or learn that until I've experienced it firsthand myself and know that it works. And yeah. And you like with your course design, you were a competitor for all your life and you've ridden a lot of courses, and that's, that experience helps you when you're out there on the ground deciding where you're gonna put this jump or that jump, taking your experience. So Cathy, what I thought our topic could be today is generosity. Yeah, so up some good definitions of generosity like Anne Frank, you'd think, what she had, she still thought about generosity. She said "No one's ever become poor by giving." That's Anne

Cathy 7:34

That's it. That's awesome. Yeah

Jess 7:36

Yeah. Yeah. "The heart that gives gathers." Let's see who said that. Lao Tzu. Just Mark Twain, "Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see." So it's when I think about generosity with myself I never feel like I own anything. Nothing is completely mine. Even this knowledge that I have and the modality that I have, it's not mine. People say, "Oh, thank you so much. This has been a life changer." And I say, "Thank the person, thank Lainie Rosenweg because she came up with accelerated resolution therapy." I always give credit to the trainers and the people that have taught me,

Cathy 8:16

Absolutely.

Jess 8:17

I'm just passing it on. And I really got to experience something really cool this weekend. You told me the other day you set it up with Kennedy, and Kennedy u- using my horse this weekend, 'cause it kinda started with you.

Cathy 8:33

Yeah, Kennedy's horses she had signed up and I encouraged her to do a clinic with Natalie Hummel and Hannah Sue Burnett and Holberg now, sorry, Hannah. And she'll always be little Hannah Sue to me, so let's just leave the last names out of it. And they were doing a clinic for young riders and dealing with the mental aspect of riding as well as the physical and actually sitting on the horse. And Nikki had done a clinic with them with Shaq and herself, and then set up some rides with and worked with Hannah down in Florida. So when I saw that they were doing a young rider clinic together in Lexington I told Kennedy, I said, "You really need to sign up for this. I've heard some really good things. I know Hannah really well and it'd be a really good thing for you to do because so much of competition is is about your mental outlook, dealing with the ups and downs and having the downs not get in the way of continuing to have the ups." And so poor Kennedy, one horse pulled a two and then the other horse had an abscess and I said let's talk to Jess and see if you can at least borrow Speedy so you can have a horse, to go do this with." And so you gen- generously loaned her Speedy, and so she was able to participate in the clinic and at least get the principle of the clinic, even though it might not have been specifically on her own horses, but you certainly can apply that to all the other horses that you ride. So yeah, that was really cool and you got to witness some of it. I, of course, h- was here in Louisiana, but but anyway, yeah

Jess 10:11

Came into our lives about a little over a year ago with her horse Merlin, and when you worked with her at her, at the competition up at at Indiana. And also met Kennedy then al- there too, because we had some Indiana Fever tickets, and we

Cathy 10:28

Yep.

Jess 10:29

one, so Kennedy rode on up to Indianapolis with yourself, me, and our friend Tink, and to watch Caitlin. that was her first season last year.

Cathy 10:41

Right

Jess 10:41

I got to meet Kennedy then, and she is just, she's just an amazing kid. She's, she just turned 18. Luckily she's gonna be up here at the University of Kentucky. She already has an apartment. She's already moved into her apartment. Did

Cathy 10:56

yeah, she told me that. Yeah.

Jess 10:58

Yeah, she stayed there last

Cathy 10:59

Yeah.

Jess 11:00

Because they signed her up as an athlete, and she is, she's just a super

Cathy 11:04

Yeah

Jess 11:04

She plays baseball, lacrosse, basketball, all, and she's a really good rider. She does all these things. She's just a natural athlete. Anyway, so Speedy and her got along really well.

Cathy 11:17

That's awesome.

Jess 11:18

really loved Kennedy, and Kennedy just has this attunement, and was like, "Okay, I'm here with you.

Cathy 11:26

Wait

Jess 11:26

I'm on it." And they have a really nice trailer, tra- Speedy was on this really nice trailer with all these fans

Cathy 11:33

like stylin'.

Jess 11:35

stuff, styling. And then she was all color coordinated with

Cathy 11:38

I know.

Jess 11:39

his colors he had on yesterday. And then today he had on your green. You're like kelly green. He had a kelly green bonnet and kelly green saddle patch. He had this bright kelly green shirt on, and it was raining here today also, so they weren't able to do cross-country, so she got a dressage lesson. And so you gave her a lesson Thursday on him. And that was her first ride. She was having a lesson Thursday. You said, "So go ahead and jump Speedy for your lesson Thursday." So that's the first time she ever rode him, and then Saturday was the second time, and today was the third time, and they just, she it, they like they've been a team for forever. And they kept thanking me. "Thank you so much for letting us use Speedy. Thank you and I was like, it's a three-way win. It's a win for me, it's a win for Speedy, it's a win for you,

Cathy 12:28

Yeah

Jess 12:30

And that's where I feel like generosity doesn't mean I own something and I'm gonna loan it to you. It's let's just

Cathy 12:37

Exactly

Jess 12:38

like I was picturing, I'm picturing a circle of all the things I've had or what I've been, what I've learned and with who Kennedy is, she's this circle, this amazing circle, and I was just able to share part of my circle with her big cir- with her circle,

Cathy 12:56

Yeah.

Jess 12:56

Yeah. That's the way I picture it.

Cathy 12:58

Yeah, I like that. Yeah

Jess 13:01

And like people say the farm, "Oh, this farm. Do you own it?" And I go, "No. I don't own it." The Earth owns it, and it's just here to share and for people to enjoy.

Cathy 13:13

Yeah, that's pretty cool

Jess 13:16

I feel like I should make this announcement and know what Native Americans were here the way that they do at church, at the beginning of the service. If on the land of Ojibwe, or whatever,

Cathy 13:29

that's why you can still find arrowheads. Yep. Yeah

Jess 13:33

I've never found one. I've never found an

Cathy 13:35

I have when I lived out at Edith's farm and they would plow up the fields for t- the tobacco that they used to grow there. They don't any- they don't now anymore, but I'd go out and walk 'cause somebody told me one time, "Just go walk." And I've only found one or two but I have found them, so that's pretty cool. Yep. Yeah.

Jess 13:55

Yeah, I've never... i'm really good at finding four-leaf

Cathy 13:58

Yeah

Jess 13:58

and I say that I'm good at finding them 'cause I say that, and then I can instantly find one. So maybe I need to start saying I'm good at finding a arrowhead. An

Cathy 14:09

Just go find a field that's been plowed, though. That's the easier way to do it. But getting back to generosity, it's just, to me it's like a spirit that you just, you give and and it's to me it's a way of life. It's the way I am, it's y- I- it's showing up to teach and it's not a chore. It g- like I said, it gives me, or you said, it gives me energy and and it doesn't matter if it's raining, the, these people have showed up to do something and you're giving of your time and you're intentional about it. You're not just putting in the hours. You I've talked about this before, it's like you r- I really care, and I really care about every single person that rode with me today, even though I only see them once a year, I care about their success. This one lady, Sarah, was doing cross-country I think for the first time on her horse, and the horse was, a little strong, and he knows what he's doing, and he's supposed to, quote, "teach her." And I really took the time with her to say, I tell people all the time, "You might have an experienced horse, but as soon as you put your foot in the stirrup or lead him or groom him or get on his back, you're his leader. You're telling him what to do. You don't just get on there and then he takes you around the course because he knows it." There might, some things might be easier because they know their job, but but you are that person's that horse's leader and I could tell she was, a little bit nervous, and it was so funny actually. I let one of the other kids go first, and she went last in the group, and then I said, when I gave them the next exercise, I said, "Okay, Sarah, you're going first because I don't need you to sit there and watch all these people do the exercise and get all worried and nervous about your turn, so off you go." And she said, "Oh,

Jess 15:57

Sweet

Cathy 15:57

you just nailed it, Cathy." And I said, but I just was really, I wanna say I don't wanna, I'm not tooting my horn but I am, it's like really being intentional and generous about y- the giving of your self and your knowledge to really help somebody, and the people feel it. They, it's, they, they feel that that generosity from me to them, and to really take the time and look them in two eyes and, really make sure that they got it. Does that make sense? I might be off track a little bit, but that's just what I wanted to say.

Jess 16:33

Yeah. All that makes a lot of sense. And in, in this partnership, this gal that has this like you can have a horse that's a master they can call him, where they have more experience than the rider. but rider still has to be the leader, that's an important point for her to

Cathy 16:52

Yeah

Jess 16:53

even though this horse has a lot of experience, she is the one that, that is is in charge of this horse and where he goes and what he

Cathy 17:01

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, and I think,

Jess 17:03

Yeah.

Cathy 17:04

I think some riders don't get that and and can get in a little bit of trouble because of that or demean themselves because they're not doing as well as the horse can do. I tell people that too. It's "Oh, I should sell him because he's got a whole lot more potential." No, he's your horse, and you do with him what you're gonna do. There's a million other horses out there with a lot of potential, and let other people go find that horse. So yeah.

Jess 17:31

Yeah. You're the leader to what potential you want from the

Cathy 17:35

Yes, exactly

Jess 17:36

Oh, they love Speedy. Hannah loves Speedy, and Natalie loves Speedy. And I've al- I've always said Speedy's perfect. Whenever I ride Speedy pe- people always say, "How's Speedy?" I say, "He's perfect." I just say that, 'cause then that kinda makes him that way. But they thought he was perfect, too. Yeah. Yeah, and it was just so fun to see Kennedy's big smile. It was just so worth it, and she took such good care of him. And he's never looked so good, with his little color coordination and stuff, 'cause I'm not into that. But that's what makes Kennedy so special is like she's got style, she's got it together, and it's just fun. It's just fun, the individualism and the confidence that she has. Love it.

Cathy 18:23

Cool.

Jess 18:23

Love

Cathy 18:23

I'm glad

Jess 18:24

Yeah,

Cathy 18:25

to witness that

Jess 18:27

Yeah. And here's win-win, right?

Cathy 18:30

I'm listening

Jess 18:32

it's a three-way win. It's a three-way win. Speedy wins 'cause he has this experience. You win, I win. And then also, Cathy is her mom's an internal medicine doctor for dogs, and I said to Catherine, I said, do you know... looking for a Boston terrier. Do you know any breeders?" And she goes, "Oh yeah, know somebody who, who breeds, and she does, she makes sure she has healthy ones, and she makes sure she has ones that don't have too long of a nose, 'cause they have more of a health problem if they're have too short of a nose." Man, she's just clicking on all my little boxes.

Cathy 19:07

I had no idea about the nose. That's funny. There you

Jess 19:10

Yeah. Yeah, 'cause we're watching, since we lost our little Tessa two months

Cathy 19:15

yeah

Jess 19:16

That we're watching all these videos we send each other of these Boston terriers 'cause I just love their personality. I grew up with boxer dogs, and so having a Boston terrier is like having a boxer puppy all the time. we're sending each other these videos, and we're kinda noticing how some of these little Bostons have short noses, right?

Cathy 19:35

You might be noticing that. I haven't noticed that. So now I'm gonna start paying attention to that

Jess 19:41

Yeah. We can see that. So that's cool. So that might be another

Cathy 19:44

Exactly

Jess 19:47

I've got, I've got-- I've talked to a couple breeders and they might have one next year or something, so I'm on a list. I think I'm on two lists, but maybe Catherine can find us one.

Cathy 19:58

Yep

Jess 19:59

Yeah, one. Whatever one is supposed to come to us,

Cathy 20:03

That's right. That will be the one

Jess 20:05

And to me, baby, I think that's like the generosity of the universe. That's what I

Cathy 20:11

I like it

Jess 20:12

I love... I really feel like the universe is very generous, that we get what we need when we're supposed to have it, and it's supposed to come to

Cathy 20:20

Yep

Jess 20:21

when it's supposed to come.

Cathy 20:23

But don't you think that I totally hear what you're saying, but I think more people need to believe that because I think a lot of people don't believe that.

Jess 20:33

Say more about that.

Cathy 20:34

I think,

Jess 20:34

happens if they don't believe it?

Cathy 20:38

excuse me. It goes to like positively manifesting instead of saying that's never gonna happen," or, "I'm not good enough," or, "My horse isn't good enough," or instead of believing that the generosity is gonna come from the universe into your life and you can receive it. Does that, any of that make sense?

Jess 21:02

Keep

Cathy 21:02

I was like, I was winging it. I was ready for you to talk.

Jess 21:09

Okay. So you're saying, let me see if I've got you. This is part of what we do is we mirror each other to make sure we understand, is what I think I heard you say was that you think some people don't manifest because they're a little pessimistic or they think they can't do it, or something might not be good enough for them to do it with. Is that right? Did I get

Cathy 21:30

Yes, you got me. Yeah, pessimistic is a great word. Instead of being able to receive the generosity, however that looks, which is, could be a myriad of different ways they're blocked somehow about being able to receive that generosity

Jess 21:52

I got in.

Cathy 21:53

So now you s- now you speak about that.

Jess 21:58

Okay, what comes up for me hearing you say that, when you say it's all good, I feel like that's a way to generously look at something that might not be what you thought you really wanted, but you're gonna, you're g- it's gonna turn into something good,

Cathy 22:14

exactly

Jess 22:15

when something, yeah, when something happens, you're like, "It's all good," it's gonna, it's gonna still turn out well. It's all good. And it might be all good. It might be exactly what you wanted, but you... And you say it's all good. But also you say it's all good if it... yeah like when you were talking about it was raining down there. But it kinda cooled things off, and it might've dampened the bug wings too, and they couldn't

Cathy 22:40

And they couldn't fly. Yeah, or my trip down here where the, where I was promised that the car rental company would stay open, and when I got there, there was nobody downstairs. Usually they're not, 'cause I've rented cars from them before, and I go upstairs and go pick out my car and drive it out of the lot, and there was nobody there to let me out. And but the good news was that I could get into a car. And so I was like, it's 1:30, two o'clock in the morning. By the time I get an Uber and go find a hotel and maybe get two hours of sleep before I have to get up again and be ready to leave at 6:00 a.m. because I, my clinic starts at 7:00 a.m. and it's an hour drive plus just a little over an hour from the airport to the to the barn. I was like the good news is I can just put the back down in this car and lay down in it and go to sleep for a few hours and then get up and be able to be on time." So even though it was kinda crappy that I had to spend the night, or what was left of my night, in a rental car sleeping in the back, the good news was

Jess 23:56

the

Cathy 23:56

I didn't have to, I didn't, wasn't, sitting in a, on the hard floor somewhere waiting for the rental company to open. So yeah. So anyway

Jess 24:06

Yeah, that's a good way to look at it. And you still had time to get a cup of coffee somewhere

Cathy 24:11

him I was gonna stop and get a cup of coffee, so I might be 15 minutes late otherwise. And I think I did

Jess 24:17

Hello

Cathy 24:17

drive in there at 7:14 AM, so yeah

Jess 24:22

So the benefit, what you manifested is you were able to get the rental car, but the thing was you couldn't drive out of there with the rental car 'cause it was, 'cause the exit was closed

Cathy 24:34

Oh, yeah.

Jess 24:35

Yeah.

Cathy 24:37

I was hoping maybe another company was like, "Hey, if I-- I've got this deal, will, will one of your other little gates let me out?" But yeah, no.

Jess 24:46

Yeah, no

Cathy 24:47

no.

Jess 24:50

Yeah. So generosity, look at, let me look at some more of those

Cathy 24:56

I feel like we're

Jess 24:56

Okay

Cathy 24:57

Getting off topic, but we're circling back.

Jess 25:00

We'll circle

Cathy 25:00

Yeah.

Jess 25:02

Let's see A generous heart, kind speech, a life of service and compassion. Like you say, it's a way of life,

Cathy 25:12

Yes

Jess 25:12

And here's Maya Angelou. She's like my mentor. "When you learn, teach. When you get, give"

Cathy 25:21

I love it

Jess 25:21

Yeah. And that's what, that's a summation about what you say. The fortunate things that we're given, the things that we've learned, the people that we've learned from, and we're able to teach what we've learned, and we're able to give what we've gotten

Cathy 25:37

Yeah and to that end, because I'm an instructor and you're a therapist, I think that that doesn't mean you have to be one of those. It ne- y- you know, it ne- needs to be that exactly when you teach or when you learn something, pass it on, no matter who you are. Does that make sense?

Jess 25:58

Absolutely. Everybody has something that they can give. I got so much from Kennedy this weekend about her style and her smile and all different things. I could make a list right now of 10 things. Everybody has something that, that they give me 'cause they have... I'm around people with a generous spirit.

Cathy 26:19

I think if more people were intentional about that,

Jess 26:23

acknowledging what they have to

Cathy 26:24

Acknowledging what they have to give, I, I guess recognizing it because I don't think a lot of people do. And then not being afraid to give, 'cause I think that's a little bit of a thing too. I put my foot out there and wanted to help you, but I got, dissed or shut down or I don't need that or... Do you understand what I'm saying? So then people would quit trying or be afraid to try to be generous. I think I love that point. Oh, that was a good one.

Jess 27:01

It's kinda like Tyler dog, my dog going up to everybody, and putting his nose on 'em and leaning against 'em and and not being shy and going ahead and doing it, where somebody might not like that,

Cathy 27:12

exactly

Jess 27:13

we gotta still give what we have to give. And yeah, there's people that need it. And don't be afraid. There are definitely people that need what you have, and that's what I'd like everybody that listens to this, I want you to comment and think about, contemplate what you have to give and let us know in the notes, okay? Give us some feedback. What do you have to give? Okay?

Cathy 27:39

we're really looking for feedback. We get a lot of-- We've had a lot of... you sent me like 750 something today maybe.

Jess 27:47

Yeah,

Cathy 27:47

I was teaching and it was raining, so I wasn't looking at my phone that much.

Jess 27:51

Yeah. So 750. We really appreciate you all listening, and we're gonna be here every week, rain or shine, heat or snow, and we love you. And there you are. Be there with all of your spirit and all of your generosity

Cathy 28:08

I love it.

Jess 28:11

Yeah. Peace and love.

Cathy 28:12

Peace and love, everybody. Have a good week.

Jess 28:15

Amen.

Cathy 28:16

Bye