Celebrating Connection--Conviviality!

Celebrating Connection—Conviviality!

Jess and Cathy talk about how rich it is to be involved with others,—having the connection to other peoples stories.  It is so fun to be able to celebrate the successes of others!  Jess did a cooking class with Quita Michel.  Ouita mentioned often the good things that food brings to people and used the term ‘conviviality’.  Ouita said that she feels that conviviality is “joy”, it is good conversation, a sharing around, connection  It is her whole purpose in the work she does.  Think about that richness of your life, and how you can create it for yourself!   Please subscribe, share, and give us some comments!   Peace and Love!  

Theme song and host introduction. Jess and Cathy welcome listeners to There You Are, introduce themselves, and share what the show is about and who it's for.

Theme song and closing words from Jess and Cathy, including a call to action to share the episode, leave a review, and tune in next week.

Cathy is a professional at training and teaching the sport of Three Day Eventing. Her website is: 

https://www.cwevent.com

Jess is a licenced clinical social worker.  She see's clients in her office in the back of the house here at the farm.   

Her website is:

https://www.jessicabollinger.com

Transcript

Jess and Cathy 1:38

Good morning, Cathy How are you doing? I'm great, Jess. There was a pause. I thought you were gonna keep saying something. There you are. Here we are again, and, It's early in the morning again. It's early. It's early in the morning. But it's all good. And we had a little when we recorded last time, we had a little, some kinda malfunction, and it didn't really get recorded. And so we're going to Recreate- this beautiful talk that we had the great podcast that we- yeah did but didn't do. But it's naturally gonna be its new thing. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. So something that I was touched by was one of our, one of our boarder's horses has gotten a whole lot better. He had something going on, and I got to see the veterinarian just so excited and its owner just so excited about its recovery. Yeah. And that's what really touches me a whole lot is joining with other people's celebrations- Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah when good things happen to people. Yeah. And you're a witness to it. I'm witness to it. Yeah. It just makes life so rich. It's different than getting told about it, yeah. Yeah. You're there. You're seeing. You're there. Yeah. I've seen every day hopefully it's better, hopefully it's better- Yeah the medications When's the vet coming to check again? Yeah. When's the vet coming to check again? That's just awesome news. I'm sorry I missed it. But- I can imagine- that the, it's, they probably were working and working on what's this, what's that? Why is this happening? Why is that happening? And to have a definitive- end result is, it's gotta be happy- for everybody. And seeing the veterinarian- That's what I was yeah just so elated. Yeah. Almost jumping up and down. I don't I don't think I've- And high-fiving ever seen that. Yeah, and that's what we do 'cause she participated in it. It's exactly what you said. Yeah. And we participate in all these people's lives. You do with your work with your riders- and your horses, and I do with my clients with our families. And I do also with the people at the barn. Yeah. And it just is so fun. It makes life so fun. And I was thinking about that se- thinking that I don't think that sometimes I'm like thinking this vet, I know that they see a ton of horses and work on a bunch of things, and so- that, that vet was so happy that the end result, there was a definitive we've, he's cured, he's ready, he can go back to work, had to have been just amazing. And for me, when I see successes with my students and stuff I don't think people realize how invested And how much, we care about- the student, the horse, the veterinarian, and the horse's recovery that they might think it's just another student or another horse or another, warm-up for cross-country or another cross-country course in our lives and, and it's huge. And we're invested in it, and we care, and we wanna know, and and it's not that you're happy they get a blue ribbon. It's- it's the small things that that you get invested in- Yeah, exactly that you get, you thrill about. Yeah, that make, when we sit around the end of, at the table having, dinner at night and we kinda do highs and lows we try to remember to do it most of the time. But, what was your high today? And my high one day would be a student that can canter up and down a hill or, do a small course or count strides or something that they've been really working on. It might not be that, somebody, like you said, got a blue ribbon at a horse show. To me that's icing on the cake if- if someone else, if you're recognized because of your good deeds by s- by a score, by a number. Does that make sense? Oh, yeah. And you were talking before- you were talking before somebody could have a clean round in cross-country, but it wasn't pretty. Exactly. Yeah. And it might not be great. Yeah. So it's just it's successful. That's what we get thrilled about, is the success of- Yeah, and being p- participatory and, like I said, my high was, watching Jenny Hardy be able to count consistently strides between fences. And- versus somebody jumping around but for- To be that invested and just want- for you to be so invested for me to be so invested- I am very invested in all of my students and what they're doing with their horses, and how they perform, and their successes and their failures, and and I- You, you get a lot of good feelings from all that- Exactly from everybody. Yeah. I'm like the vet jumping around when, somebody jumps around a course. I don't care how many rails you took down. The horse elim- didn't jump last time. So we fixed that problem. Now we need to clean it up a bit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so invested in my clients too. I'm a licensed clinical social worker, and when my clients are in, come into my office, when I'm working with clients, they're not just a folder in the drawer. They're a person, and that's- Exactly and what's cool about being a licensed clinical social worker the route we take for study is we look at the whole person and everything in their life. And I don't think about people as a diagnosis. I don't put people in boxes, and I get so thrilled when they get better and they feel better, and their lives are easier. Sure. Yeah. Because really in, in our minds being at ease is our natural state. When we feel uncomfortable, it's, it, we feel uncomfortable because it's not- Yeah it's not how we usually feel. So that's dis-ease. That's dis-ease. That's where disease c- Dis-ease, lack of ease the word disease comes from. Yeah. Lack of ease. Yeah. I never thought of it that way. I s- I tell my clients, I said, "What you'll notice is not noticing." It's kinda like I gotta, I tell everybody this. My cousin Joey, I'm on vacation with him. We're kissing cousins. Not actually, but we're just very close. We're the same age, went to school together. And we were in Italy and he goes, "Oh my gosh." This one day he goes, "The temperature's perfect. I don't feel anything." And I say that a whole lot. Yeah. That's our natural state. And yeah. So that's what I work towards with my clients, and I'm invested and people feel it. So now you went to that cooking class and what was the word that you were telling me about? Conviv- conviviality? Yeah so Weida Michaels, this amazing cooking genius. She has several restaurants all around Lexington and all different types of food. What was her name again? Her name's Weida Michaels. Weida Michaels. Okay. Yeah. Amazing person. And I I got this email, Holly Hill Inn, and they had different cooking classes, so I signed up for Northern Italy. So I go down in downtown Versailles and I... It says closed on the door and I kinda knocked and- somebody came and opened the door and there's a little kitchen inside there with these tables of groups of three sitting in these five tables. So how many people were in the class? 15. Okay. Yeah. And what a great date, right? The... There was a couple sitting to my left. And I said- I was about to say, we gotta do this. I said, "This is a date with benefits because, your partner learns how to cook." Yeah. So Weida was she was talking about her trip to Northern Italy. And talking about the people she met and there was pictures on the overhead screen of this man that in... He's the fifth-generation maker of this balsamic. Wow. They don't call it vinegar. It's just balsamic. Just balsamic. Yeah. And some of it in the smallest barrel 'cause it gets weaned down after the years. I don't know. It gets weaned down and it's, this balsamic is 25 years old. Wow. Wow. Crazy. But all the people that she meets and hearing about their families, and they have grapes behind their... they have a hectare of grapes that they grow for, to make this balsamic. I'm not gonna say vinegar because they- But that's... Yeah they don't use that word. Yeah. So oh yeah, this little tiny bottle, I guess it's five ounces is $100. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Anyway, she used the word convi- conviviality that we, that's what's so rich and beautiful about eating together and being together Ah, yeah It's, there's I s- 'cause I kinda like my, I was "What, conviviality?" Yeah. I said, "What is your definition, Rita, of conviviality?" And she says, "It's joy." Joy, yeah. It's connection. It's- sitting around the table talking." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We were- And- Yeah, like we- Have the guys up for breakfast, or we do, on Sunday mornings we when Jess is here or I'm here we do a breakfast after barn chores in the morning and- we all sit around our roundish, ovalish, table and- eat and talk and catch up and, What's going on we were talking about- What's going on in everybody's lives in everybody's lives. Yeah, and it's such a connecting community- at that moment. That c- our community at that moment is you and me and Jardiell and Brandon, yeah. And then our community for another time is when we invite someone up for- For dinner for dinner. Or- We see them leaving the barn, I'm cooking burgers on the grill, "Hey Pam, you, do you wanna eat?" "Sure." "We got an extra burger." Yeah. The back of the house where the grill is, you can look down at the barn. Yeah. "Hey, is that Lexi still down there?" Yeah. "You wanna text her and see if she wants to eat with us?" Or Jill sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. Now when people listen to the podcast, they're gonna be hanging around. Okay, I just finished my lesson. She's gone to the house. Maybe she'll yell down and invite me up for dinner. Yeah. But that's a great, that conviviality. Or did I get it right? Yes. Okay. Yeah. Of, of sitting around and eating and having con- Talking, discussions conversations. Active Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love to hear about people's lives. I guess that's why I love being, doing the work I'm, the work I do. I could hear somebody talk about bowling. If they love bowling, I could sit all day and listen to them talk about bowling- Yeah, b- 'cause I love to hear about what somebody's into and hear about it because there's something about everything. Yeah, but then also what comes up for me is you're receiving that energy, someone's lit up and they wanna tell you about bowling. And this is, I remember when I first started and it would go down the alley, and now I've really gotten the technique and, or whatever, because you're partaking and listening to and being involved in their joy and- and what is important to them. And then that joy gets shared. Exactly. Yeah. Like this celebration in the barn about this horse's health. It all gets shared. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Cool beans. I love it. I love it. Now, you've just been working and doing, when you do your coursework and you get feedback about your course- Yeah or you watch people do your courses there's a real buy-in there for you- isn't there? Getting feedback and hearing how they ride and stuff like that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'll the courses that the president of the ground jury and the technical delegate are the two... There's like a team of three the course designer, technical delegate, and president of the ground jury, and we all confer. They go look at what I've set up, and then we might make a couple changes if there's something they maybe Cathy, what about doing this here?" And I'm like, I could be adamant about making, not making a change, or I can acquiesce and go, "Yeah, that's okay if that makes you happy." And and then the riders when they walk the cross-country courses, they have, we have what's called a rider representative. Or sometimes that people are so familiar, they'll just text me a picture and say, "Cathy, there's a hole here in front of fence 12," but they have, we have an avenue for the riders when they walk to communicate back to the president of the ground jury, or actually a technical delegate, so that we can take care of any concerns that the riders might have with the courses. But then I will go, hopefully I'm at all the cou- cross-country courses that I design and can observe and watch, and am interested in how things ride. But if I'm not there, I would look up who was there and say, "Hey, did, what'd you think of the preliminary course?" Or, "How did this ride?" And they give me good feedback. Positive or negative- is fine because we're all learning, and yeah, yeah. So- Did I- Yeah I think I went off track. No. A little bit. My, my thought process there was like there's interaction. Absolutely, yes. It's not just a certain thing. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, yeah, let's meet at 10 o'clock and, have a look at the what concerns I have that, this would be the technical delegate and, or we- would meet or can you drive over to this jump- and have a look? This is what I'm worried about here. Or, on the day, footing changes. That's a huge thing to be aware of, and that's definitely an interaction. And just, whether it's on the phone or in, or we all meet and go walk and say, "The water still hasn't drained out enough, it's too deep," or, "This is gonna get really muddy. Do we need to move a fence?" If y'all got a lot of rain. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And that's a, and that's a, an interesting dynamic of, like you say, I always say, Jess is, you've never met a stranger, and when you walk into a situation and you look and see who the officials are, that you might not meet them until the day of the comp- or two days before the competition and you haven't worked with them before. And it's a study in openness and receiving and being, you know- listening and- that kind of... Does that make sense? Yeah. Finding out what they're worried about or- things like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's just, it just makes life, it's... life's so good. Yeah. So rich. Just love that about that. I think one of the things that comes up for me about listening- what's coming up for you? Listening to people is is, and having them feel heard is that mirroring back. So Harville Hendrix, right? I think you t- have told the story of him being able to walk in and have a conversation with anybody because the first thing when they say- Oh, right "How are you?" Y- oh yeah. "Did you have a good trip?" So you're wondering if I had a good trip, and you get that person, it, it can start a conversation instead of it being awkward by mirroring back what the person says. Does that make sense? Yeah. And I'll do that a lot when I might feel a little bit anxious. "Oh, so you wanna know if we can move this log two feet to the left?" Yeah. Yeah, because yeah, you know- Find out more find out more information. Yeah. Just like you said, you love to hear people's stories. And by mirroring back to them, because sometimes I joke our friend Bonnie Brinkman, "Oh, there she goes. She's gonna go invade this person's life," because she's never met a stranger, and she just walks up to them and asks them why do you have that t- type of collar on your dog?" Or, "Why do you..." Does that make sense? Yeah. What kind of boat is that? What kind of boat is that? Yeah. And and I feel like if somebody like that came up to me, I would feel maybe this person's probably fine, so I mirror back what they say, and that immediately lets them talk more, gives me space to receive what they're saying to me and then it, it meshes. It's cool. Okay, so like- like a few podcasts back you want your c- you want your riders to tell you if they're afraid of something. Sure, yeah. And if they say, "Oh, I'm afraid of this," you could y- you mirror that back and ask more- to find out where it came from. Is that right? Yes Yeah. Yeah. But I'm going, I'm trying to stick with the little bit, the joy and the conviviality of- of being able to, you wanna know about people, and so you wanna hear their stories, and it invites that mirroring back creates the space- Yeah to have people feel safe about that. Yeah. And being at the barn and the, and knowing this boarder so well and being along from the very beginning of- of this journey of her horse, of her horse not being well. Yeah. Yeah I know all the details of it. So what you're saying is somebody might have gone through something, we don't know that much about it, but- we could find out more. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. And then join- Yeah, and- in there with care and concern. Yeah. And celebration. And celebration, for sure. Yeah. Yeah. When I s- I saw Dave yesterday- Yeah and he had his two dogs with him. And- Oh, great I know his dogs had been with training, and just knowing that history, I was so glad to see his dogs. And one of them jumped up on the golf cart, he, and then jumped up on the seat. These two English bulldogs are just so cr- so- I haven't seen them yet so cute and pretty Yeah. But just seeing him with his dogs, 'cause I know in talking to him how much he loves his dogs. Exactly. And he never had his dogs at the barn before- that I had witnessed. I hadn't seen them. Yeah. Yeah. We do. Yeah. We do let our boarders bring their dogs out as long as they're well-behaved, and most of them are, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it was fun seeing that- That's good 'cause I know how much he loves his dogs. Yeah. Yeah, and knowing him. So then I could say, "Oh, great." Celebrate. "You got your dogs here." "You got your dogs at the farm." Yeah. "Yay." How cute. That's great. Yeah. I'll look forward to seeing him when he brings them out again. That's great. Yeah. So think about, folks listening, think about in your own life what makes it rich. It's this connection, it's hearing the stories, being able to celebrate with each other. Doesn't have to be something I accomplished myself. For sure, like my clients will say, "Thank you so much." I said, "I didn't do the work, you did." You did. Yeah. "I was just a witness to it." Yeah. That we can be a witness- That's cool. Yeah. Yeah, we can be a witness to each other's lives. Yeah. And it makes us so many more things to enjoy in our own life. Yeah. It just gives you a good feeling. Yeah. And then that radiates out. Yeah. Yeah. Hearing Ouita with her, I don't know, five restaurants or so- of all this diverse food at each location- she has to work with people. And, it's, it can be a lot of stress, for Sure. Yeah managing- five different locations and all of the people. And I t- I told her, I said, "What I've heard about you, Eda, is that you take good care of your people, and that's that's part of your success." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like you, y- your success at the fruit market, yeah. Yeah. I was interested in y- All the people and all the- All the people that work for you, all your customers. Like you said- you look at the check and say, Oh, yeah call people by name. I think we talked about that, yeah. Yeah, I tell people that I go home with them- that night- Yeah w- when they're eating their corn. Exactly. I'm at the table with them. Yeah. And yeah, hearing about their lives. For sure. And that's what helped, you know- Yeah me be successful is is I was invested. Exactly, yeah. I knew they went on vacation, I'd ask them how it went- when I see them again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. It's so good. Yeah. It's so good. Life is fun and good. And, I have this intention about There You Are, and that's the name of this podcast, that- Yes who we are is our own spark in life in this world. Yeah. And it's important that we contribute that. And then when we contribute that, it radiates out and it affects other people and they get involved. They... It's part of their life too. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. They feel that from us. Yeah. Yeah. So- And it helps them. That was cool. Yeah. Anyway, y'all, thanks so much for listening. Be sure you like- subscribe- Subscribe and give us- Share share. Give us a comment and tell us what you want us, if there's any subject that we could talk about, because we love talking about things and- We love to talk we enjoy this. It's all good. Yeah. So peace and love. Take care. Have a great day, everybody. All right, bye. Bye.