Staying Connected

May 11, 2026  Staying Connected

Jess and Cathy have shared their lives together for 32 years, and oftentimes they are not physically in the same space.  They have learned what they need to do in an intentional way to stay connected.  There are also the people in their lives, both personal and business that they make sure they have the times for.  What traditions and in what ways do you stay connected to the people important to you?  

Theme song and host introduction. Jess and Cathy welcome listeners to There You Are, introduce themselves, and share what the show is about and who it's for.

Theme song and closing words from Jess and Cathy, including a call to action to share the episode, leave a review, and tune in next week.

Cathy is a professional at training and teaching the sport of Three Day Eventing. Her website is: 

https://www.cwevent.com

Jess is a licenced clinical social worker.  She see's clients in her office in the back of the house here at the farm.   

Her website is:

https://www.jessicabollinger.com

Transcript

Jess 1:39

​Hey, welcome everybody, and Cathy, there you are.

Cathy 1:43

There you are, Jess. We're doing it a little differently today because this is the first time that we've not been sitting at the kitchen table together. I'm in Indiana. I taught a clinic yesterday and gonna do some course design today. So this is our first time that we're not sitting at the kitchen table doing our podcast together.

Jess 2:08

I did do the 5:00 AM workout though Ka- Cathy, even though you weren't here. And I'm sitting in the white chair. I'm not sitting at the kitchen table. We have a guest. I don't wanna wake up a guest, so I'm in the bedroom sitting in the white chair. Back at the farm, and this is how life is folks, and I think I wanna talk to you a little bit about this today, Cathy. Is that okay?

Cathy 2:33

Absolutely. I love it. Let's do it.

Jess 2:37

Okay. It's kinda like how we can stay connected even though we're not together.

Cathy 2:43

We, I think are-- Yeah, we're, w- I think we're very good at that. W- I think we're very good at that, so

Jess 2:53

Yeah. We've been together in relationship for 32 years. I've known you for 37 years, and it's intentional and conscious how we, we make sure that we make the effort to stay connected. So what I, what I-- Something I love about you, Cathy, is how committed you are and how you always show up. and doing the podcast with you, I know that even though you might be out of town or I might be out of town on a Monday morning, we're still gonna be sitting together talking to our friends out there.

Cathy 3:29

Yeah, and I think that again, it's just like this first time I'm like: "Okay, Jess, what do I do?" "Okay, I'm gonna send you a link." And I'm like, "Okay." And I'm making sure I've got good connection. Hopefully, in the future I'll have good connection. Sometimes I might be working a little bit remotely, so we'll see how that goes. But but yeah, it's just a little bit different. So Jess said to start. Now you have-- Where when we're sitting next to each other, it's easy, but when we're not sitting next to each other, you might have to pause and wait to, for me to then, chime in. So there's not gonna be maybe the banter. So it might sound a little differently, but our intention is there and and we're hoping to give you a good podcast today.

Jess 4:14

Yeah. So a reminder, we live together on a 92-acre farm in Lexington, Kentucky. This is 2026, so the farm has been in operation for 40 years this year, so it's 40-year anniversary. And you've been at the farm for years, Cath?

Cathy 4:39

Now, Jess,

Jess 4:40

Yeah.

Cathy 4:41

Jess, you know I'm not very good at math spontaneously, but never have been. And this is funny 'cause...

Jess 4:48

But if I need something if I need something edited or spell-checked, it's all about you, baby.

Cathy 4:54

Yeah, that I can do. I can't do math in my head re-really quickly.

Jess 4:59

Yeah. Anyway we have the most perfect people here at the farm. We just love our crew here at the farm, and it's not it's not like one of us has to always be here. But Cathy, you do go out and do course design and a lot in competitions coach at competitions. So you're away from the farm more often than I am, but I am free to go to to take my boat or go on different trips with people and stuff, and we take trips together. But so this will happen a l- kinda often that we won't be sitting at the kitchen table right after our 5:00 a.m. workout. We won't be sitting there together. But Cathy, talking about how we stay connected, something that comes to me when you used to go to Florida train in the wintertime for two months, we figured out, and it's kinda what didn't work, you figure out from. We figured out okay, two weeks max. If you're gone longer than two weeks, I get angry.

Cathy 5:57

Yeah. Yes, you do. I don't know. You make it up that there's something that I did wrong or something that, that-- so you're not gonna like me, so it's fine that I'm gone.

Jess 6:10

Yeah, I used to throw, I used to throw you underneath the bus before you left because I wanted a good reason not to miss you when you were gone.

Cathy 6:18

Yeah. So we sorta worked that out so that with the competitions and the training I was doing down there and when I would come home and and so it did work out kinda every two weeks that I would, fly back to Lexington and be there for the weekend and then go back to Florida. So we sorted that out.

Jess 6:37

Yeah, or we would come down there to see you

Cathy 6:40

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

Jess 6:42

times.

Cathy 6:43

Yep.

Jess 6:43

Yeah. Yeah. So being able to stay connected is real important, and it's-- You gotta, it's, you gotta be intentional and conscious about it. And Also, this connection isn't just between us it's between other people that are important to us. Talk about where you are now and how far back that connection goes

Cathy 7:04

Now, I don't do math very well, but I've been coming to Dan Hoban Stables in Greenwood, Indiana, and teaching clinics for Danette and Larry Morgan up here for, I don't know, lots and lots of years. And there was a dry spell where Danette didn't have quite the boarders or the clientele to warrant bringing me up here. So there was several years where I wasn't coming up here. But then we've had this reconnection in the last two or three years and so I've been coming up here three times a year. She books me for a one, one-day clinic. So I teach-- Like yesterday I drove up Saturday night, and then I taught all day yesterday. And then today Larry, who does a lot of the building of the jumps here he and I will get together and we'll-- I'll advise him on the builds that he's done, and then we'll lay out a course. They do an unrecognized event the, I think the end of August, first part of September every year. And so I'll do some course design work today before I head back to Lexington. But it's just such a familiarity of of the people and their lives and, they got one of my... kipper had-- my Sheltie had puppies, and they had one of my puppies, and their parents Danette's parents, there's a-- it's a beautiful farm here and they farm some of it or lease out part of the land to farmers to grow corn and soybeans, and you never know what-- I think there's some winter wheat coming up right now 'cause I was talking, "When is that gonna get harvested?" I'm always wanting them to put some paths through the fields for a little more space on the cross-country, but that's still under negotiation because it's limited. Then it limits how much crop they get off the field. But yeah, just to, Danette's parents lived on the farm, and they've passed now, so it's like old home week when I come up here. I just-- I can get in whatever time I need to and go to their-- That's what-- Their house is like g- a guest house now, their, her parents' house, and I just walk in and Cabby always comes with me, and she knows where to go. And I go to sleep and get up, and they've got my coffee and my creamer, and I come over for breakfast in the morning, and then we get started with the day. So that tradition and familiarity is just Something that's b- that I just love about, a lot of the work that I do.

Jess 9:29

So y- yeah, you got up there. We watched a friend show jump at the horse park together, and then you set off with your truck and pulling your Gator. Not your Gator,

Cathy 9:39

Yeah. Kawasaki Mule, yeah.

Jess 9:43

You Pull, pulling the mule and you got up there about 10:15 or 10:30 Saturday night and the house was unlocked and you just walked

Cathy 9:50

Yeah. Just walked in. It's like I sorta got home, here I am. Cabby knows where to go. And I,

Jess 9:57

Yeah.

Cathy 9:57

put her water out for her, and she was really convinced she needed to eat some more, so I gave her a few more pieces of kibble and went to bed and got up, and meet you for breakfast at 7:30. So there I was at 7:30. We had breakfast and started teaching, and I taught yesterday from about 8:30 to 5:30, 5:45. And then we went and had Mexican, and then I came back and went to bed. It was great.

Jess 10:23

They left the light

Cathy 10:24

Always, yep. The light in the garage is always on. Yep. Yeah. Yep. Yep.

Jess 10:29

So sweet. So sweet. So that connection with people that you've been working with for a

Cathy 10:35

exactly.

Jess 10:37

you know how you ever even started with them?

Cathy 10:41

I think maybe competing and they do a lot of volunteer work for the Indiana Eventing Association. And and then I knew them through Kate Gress, who ran Penny Oaks Horse Trials. So they do a lot of volunteering, and Dan Larry used to build almost all the jumps that they used at the Hoosier. The, so Indiana Eventing Association runs two events now a year at the Hoosier Horse Park, which is right next to Camp Atterbury in Edinburgh, Indiana. So that's about 30 miles south of where I am right now. So that's kinda how I got involved with them was was meeting them through the competitions at the at the Hoosier Horse Park. Yeah.

Jess 11:28

And yesterday was Mother's Day. I stuck a Mother's Day card in your

Cathy 11:32

You are so sweet.

Jess 11:34

yesterday

Cathy 11:36

I didn't.

Jess 11:40

I, I got beautiful notes and we both did thoughts from different people for Mother's Day, which was so beautiful. And I'm lucky that my moms, I'm loved by two moms. My dad remarried when I was about 14. And my mom and my stepmom are still alive and still alive and vibrant. I was able to go see my mom, and my sister came by and I got to see her. I went over to my stepmom's and got to see her and had good talk with her and got to see my brother and stuff over there. And then, It was just really nice day of of honoring mothers. And Cathy, yesterday I really felt like it, I was able to mother the boys. Fed them breakfast yesterday morning Brandon and Jardiel that work in the barn on Sundays. Was able to feed them breakfast and be a mother to them. And then Jardiel took Brandon and I over there to his farm, the Dutch Brothers farm, and we got to see... He showed us the bald eagle nest. I got to see the mother bald eagle and the two babies, so that was a cool mother thing. So spectacular.

Cathy 12:53

I love that nest. And now one of our boarders, Beth Coney pointed it out to us 'cause you can see it especially in the wintertime driving down Old Frankfort Pike. And one time Jess and I kinda snuck into the farm and was like, I'm like, "There's a bald eagle's nest." And we-- It was kinda dusk, and we were kinda scared we were gonna get busted for trespassing, but we really wanted to go see it. 'Cause you had put up a camera. No, you, we were watching on, on, on TV one of those things where they have a camera on a bald eagle's nest, and you can watch the whole process of them being born and them bringing them food and learning to fly and all that kind of stuff. So then when Beth told us that there was this bald eagle's nest there on Old Frankfort Pike, I was like, "Oh, whoa, we gotta go by and see it." So now a friend of ours who works for Dutch Brothers, they've purchased that farm, and so I'm gonna make Jardiel take me over there and see it. That is so cool 'cause you can... It's amazing. Yeah, you sent me a picture of it. That's really cool. I love it.

Jess 13:54

And and the dad, w- the dad eagle was is up in another sycamore tree at the end of their barn, and Jardiel says, "Let's go over here first." And he was sitting up on top of there. And underneath this other tree Jardiel was kicking up with his feet all these different bones from different animals, catfish and squirrels and different animals that have been brought in to feed the young eagles. I guess he, they, he brings them there first, Cathy, and then gets them ready, and then takes the meat over to the nest for them to chomp off of. But y- underneath this other tree are the remnants of The carcasses and animals and stuff of the food that he's bringing, and that was cool. then we could see the two eaglets being, standing up in their nest and they're pretty big now. I think that they're born the end of February, early March. Like Cathy said, we... I watched cam of a n- bald eagle nest for almost the whole entire time. That's up in the Miami, the Dayton, Miami Valley the Miami River Valley or something up there near Dayton, where we watched the whole thing, watched the whole process. So they're getting pretty big. I have to look and see about, like, when they're gonna start flying, but they're pretty big and they're fluffing their wings, holding them open and stuff, the little babies. It's fun.

Cathy 15:22

Yeah Hardiel, there's a couple ponds there that we wanna go fishing on-- in, and Hardiel says, "There's no fish left in the ponds 'cause the eagles keep diving in and catching the fish and taking them back to them for food." That's fascinating.

Jess 15:39

And speaking of other motherhood, he showed us some of the mares and foals that, that were there in the barns close to the eagle nest. So fantastic and Brandon had never been, that close to a little baby foal like that, and he was just fascinated. It was so

Cathy 15:55

I-I-I'll bet Brandon loved that. And to be honest, I thought that was what you were first gonna say when Hardiel took you over to the farm. It was to look at the baby foals, and I didn't expect you to say that it was the e-- about the eagle's nest. But that-- Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, just those... That's one of the beautiful things about Kentucky, driving around in the spring and the, going back and forth to our farm or Out, anybody that lives in Kentucky, I encourage you to get out of the city and take a drive and just, you can see all the beautiful Thoroughbred foals out there. And, sometimes you'll see the mare standing, and you'll see this little brown blob next to her, and they're taking a little rest. Or sometimes you'll see them playing. And a lot of times people, put your hazards on and be careful, stop and get out of their cars to, to, take a closer look. But it's just a beautiful sight in the spring here in Kentucky for sure.

Jess 16:49

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I believe that you want, if you're breeding a Thoroughbred, thor- horses turn Their birthdays are always January 1st. if a horse is born in February, its birthday is the following January 1st. So the Thoroughbred, because they race by age, they like their foals to be born as close to January as possible. The gestation for horses is 11 months. So they will breed they will breed so that they try to make sure that the horse isn't born before January 1st, because if it was born, if it was born if it was born December 25th, it would be one year old on the following January.

Cathy 17:36

Yeah, exactly. And that's just for for the breed Thoroughbreds. Other breeds don't follow that rule. But the Thoroughbred industry... And there might be others that I don't know about, but I know for sure that the Thoroughbred industry, based on what the horse's racing age is, so as cl- like you said, as close as they can get born to the, after the 1st of January, it makes them... if you have a foal that's born in June, January 1st comes around, and they're only six months old, and so you might have to maybe wait another year or something to race or something like that because they're just not big enough and strong enough. And that's a whole nother discussion I don't want to get into right now but

Jess 18:19

No yeah. So yeah, just back to, to, to connections and being able to stay connected and be intentional about it. Yeah. And so I imagine that you make sure-- you said you, you're going up to Den- to, excuse me, to Danette about three times a

Cathy 18:35

Yeah.

Jess 18:36

you make sure that you kind of book it ahead so that you have the time to go up

Cathy 18:41

Oh, yeah. She-- we're conversing in January, and I'm looking at my calendar and it works out great and for, my weekends that I can come up here, and she can book a clinic on Sunday where everybody can come ride, and then kids go back to school, or adults go back to work on Monday, and I can stay and do the course design on Monday, 'cause that- It's my day off at home and I don't have a lot scheduled so I stay up, so it works out usually on a Sunday, Monday or a Friday, Saturday where I would come and work with Larry and course design on Friday and then teach the clinic on Saturday when everybody can get there. And in the summer it changes a little because the kids are out of school, but it doesn't change for the adults who have, a job that they have to, be present for. So I try to get one week- weekend day and then one weekday to work for the course design. But I do have that. That's already set and she will email me or give me some dates and I'll look at the calendar and I'll get them back to her and then she'll say, "No, those won't work." And so we banter back and forth a little bit to get everything set for the year. Yeah.

Jess 19:49

Something that helps us stay connected at the farm here, we have about 20 or so boarders that have their horse here, and we celebrate

Cathy 20:00

we forgot the la...

Jess 20:45

is we go around and

Cathy 20:46

were-- I don't know

Jess 20:51

it is just so beautiful how individually everybody sees something in the other person that there's-- we're celebrating, sees something about them that they appreciate. It's so beautiful, and it's so fun to see that person's face glowing as they're hearing, these different traits, characteristics,

Cathy 21:11

were,

Jess 21:15

that's a really cool thing that we do. That's a tradition and that's a connection,

Cathy 21:19

it was. Forgot to do the appreciations. Oh, dang. I hated that I missed that. I love that part.

Jess 21:36

you were there.

Cathy 21:37

Yeah.

Jess 21:37

you...

Cathy 21:38

No, I--

Jess 21:38

were together,

Cathy 21:39

Yeah, we were both there, but we forgot to do the appreciations. What does that say about us that we forgot to do our own appreciations? We never forget when it's someone else's. We- we'll let you guys comment on that.

Jess 21:54

Yeah. night celebrating Susie Hellard's birthday, I took Susie and her husband, Nolan, out to dinner. I said, "Okay, we do this for everybody everybody's birthday. We're gonna, we're gonna give you an appreciation and I'll go first, Nolan." So that was really sweet.

Cathy 22:11

And yeah, sometimes when I've been out of town I've called in or FaceTimed in and been present for the appreciations. If we we do it at the farm when the weather's good, and then we do it at Jalapenos, which is a great Mexican restaurant in Lexington. We love that place. And most people like to go. I don't like to do it a lot there 'cause I'm always worried about the college students. But, they wanna come, but they can't afford to eat out or something like that. So it's-- But I've called in a couple times when I'm not there to be present for the appreciation, so that's fun, or FaceTime. Yeah. Yeah.

Jess 22:48

Yeah, so we want you all to, to kinda, this is food for thought, is you all think, listeners, if you could think about what you do for connection, to stay connected to people that you care about, and what traditions that you do around that. And it's one of the-- It's just makes life so beautiful because we're connected. We, we need each other, and it's just m- that's the beautiful thing about life.

Cathy 23:18

It's fun. I'm sitting here looking out the window, and these horses talk about connection. They're just like waiting to come in to eat their breakfast, and they're like, pick me first." But they still are friends and get along and are happy that they're with each other. And that's, it brings up another thing about connection with, your dogs or your horses and how much they are connected to you. And last night I put Cabby in the house. See, that's the cool thing about, she gets tired. She's 13 years old now, my dog. She's a Shetland Sheepdog, and she, But I take her with me pretty much everywhere. And yesterday afternoon about four o'clock, it was about time for her to eat, and I said, "Let me just run Cabby over to the house." And I put her in the house, and I fed her and then I came back in, and I took a little video and sent it to Jess. Said she came in and rested, and she kinda sleeps now, but as soon as she hears something, she wakes up and look. She's "There you are," "i'm okay, but there you are." So that was kinda cool. Yeah.

Jess 24:22

A- and she remembers going there to the house, it's a familiar place for her. She knows

Cathy 24:28

Yeah,

Jess 24:28

down and stuff, where the water

Cathy 24:30

Yeah, she's totally connected here and it's a, and it's a good thing because I can just, I don't have to worry and don't have to leave her in my truck or and have her be hot when the sun's on her. Yeah.

Jess 24:41

Yeah. So you're looking out the window there, Cathy, looking at the horses that are about to come

Cathy 24:46

Yeah.

Jess 24:47

And I kinda have the same thing going out my window bedroom here of the tobacco barn field. And that's a thing too, like you said, is horses all know each other in each other's fields. We have three main fields here at our farm, and we have indivi- about We have four individual paddocks. But most of the horses are out in the fields, and they know and get to meet everybody in the field. If we bring a new horse into a field, we usually put the horse in the field when the other hor- when some of the horses in that field are in the barn. We have a 21-stall barn. And so we have more horses than stalls, so we have pasture boarders. Our horses stay in the pasture 24/7. we'll turn a new horse out when just the pasture horses are in the field so they can kinda get to know a smaller herd first. And they, they do get to know each other, and every day they reevaluate their pecking order and establish that every single day. And if you accidentally turn a horse out in the wrong field, they go, "Whoa, what are you doing out here? Oh,

Cathy 25:53

Yep. That's happened a couple times. We're like, "We can't find so and "oh, we put him in the wrong field."

Jess 26:03

All

Cathy 26:04

But yeah, but it lets it, it lets the horses get connected in a smaller space, and then the rest of the horses come in, and then there's not such a whirling dervish sometimes of, oh my gosh, we're all, there's 20 horses and, maybe not 20, but maybe 15, and here's the new guy, and that can be overwhelming for the new guy 'Cause I just got a new horse in who's really cool. I'm calling him Brian right now 'cause I haven't connected with him enough to come up with a, Speaking of connection, I haven't connected with this new horse enough to come up with a different nickname for him. So a lot of times the horses, especially the Thoroughbreds, will have a registered name which is given to them by the people who bred them and approved of by the Jockey Club. But then from that name, you'll pick something that's a little simpler. Like this horse's name is Tremendously. That to me is we've come up with a couple shorter names, but when I first came to Kentucky and worked for a lady named Edith Conyers, she would always do the nickname of the horse, of the person that she got it from. So like my first advanced horse name, his name was Chessie System, but his nickname that we called him in the barn was Ned because we got him from Ned Bonnie. I found out what the trainer's name was, and his name was Brian. So right now I'm calling him Brian. And Nikki, my assistant, she's what name are we gonna call this horse?" I said, "Call him Brian," 'cause I need a name to put on the feed chart. I haven't connected with him enough to change that yet, but I will soon. Yeah.

Jess 27:39

Yeah. Okay, Cathy, you go, you go and build jumps with Larry

Cathy 27:44

I'm gonna have a great day. Yeah.

Jess 27:46

I got some pickleball this morning and some pasture evaluation by the ag extension agent it's

Cathy 27:54

It's all good.

Jess 27:55

It's all good.

Cathy 27:56

What?

Jess 27:57

pick up-- I'm picking up the Reation Ship today from the storage place and taking it to the place that's gonna get it summarized so that I'll be-- it'll be ready to go. So that's going on for me this afternoon, and then that party tonight

Cathy 28:14

and I'm gonna try to get away from here in time to be there for the party tonight, so all good.

Jess 28:21

Hey, Cathy, I love you so much. I love you listeners. Please share, and we're here for you.

Cathy 28:29

All right, I love you too. Love you too, Jess, and make sure you guys comment if there's anything you specifically you want us to chat about, okay? All right,

Jess 28:38

Take care,

Cathy 28:39

love you. Bye.

Jess 28:41

Bye.